February 26, 2006
Feeling Their Way Around
by George A Palombo
Executive Director ACE
It doesn’t require being much of a music aficionado to remember the song “Feelings” by Morris Albert written back in 1975. As a boy, this song was the catalyst that drove me to contemplate my feelings for Kelly, the girl of my boyhood affections, every time the song came on the radio or was replayed in my daydreams.
This song went on to become the theme of many proms and school formals over the years. I don’t know if those feelings for Kelly were ever reciprocated, but what I do know “for sure” is that those feelings were quite real and sometimes very painful for me to cope with in the company of my adolescent peers, and especially in the privacy of my own thoughts.
Unfortunately, in many instances today, feelings have been hailed as the cultural standard by which to judge right and wrong behavior. “If it feels good…..do it”, has become a prevailing mentality and a time honored theme of the culture we live in.
Our feelings are vitally important to us to be sure. It is our feelings that inform us when something is wrong or when we experience pain. It is also our feelings that express happiness, loneliness, excitement, and a whole litany of other life experiences. For kids, one of the problems associated with their feelings is that they are always subject to change and therefore, cannot be completely trusted. They may feel like they are in love with the person next to them one day, and then feel like sending them off into space the next day! Our feelings may be a good indicator that something is good or bad for us; but are a very poor standard when used alone to determine whether something is actually good or bad for us. Our feelings have the ability to work well for us when making decisions, but can become very hazardous to employ as our boss.
Perhaps one of the most difficult and painful struggles facing adolescents is their ability, or inability, to successfully handle their everyday feelings. Acting on feelings alone can sometimes produce devastating results. Especially in the life of an adolescent who may be experiencing confusion because of mixed feelings that he/she is unable to sort out. Some elements of their market-driven culture may partially influence them to think that their feelings are the only navigational and decision-making tool available to them.
It is paramount that young people understand both the importance and legitimacy of their feelings, as well as the potential dangers of acting on them without careful consideration.
As parents, we would encourage you to help them to Recognize that ALL of their feelings are legitimate. The painful feelings associated with a break-up, a bad grade or peer pressure is real. The excited feelings experienced in close proximity of a boy/girl relationship can lead to sexual promiscuity, regret, disease and even pregnancy. Help them to recognize that these feelings in and of themselves are not necessarily wrong, but can be wrong-headed if not carefully considered.
Help them to Understand that decision-making based on feelings alone is unwise. It is also best to consider the truthfulness, logical consistency and long-term workability of the decisions they make in their own lives because their decisions affect the lives of others as well as themselves.
Teach them to Listen carefully to voices of wisdom. This is a toughie because teaching them to discern a true voice of wisdom may be just as difficult as following the wisdom itself. As a parent, you will often be the first voice of wisdom they seek. However, it can also be helpful for you to steer a struggling kid in the direction of other people they respect, and who YOU trust and share the same worldview with. It is wise to encourage them to elicit advice from other experienced adults who have a vested interest in their lives when making decisions, especially decisions with potentially long-term consequences.
Help them to critically Evaluate their feelings. Young people may need help in projecting out future consequences if they choose to act solely on their feelings. Many times their confusion can lead to viewing their world as being sideways, upside-down or crashing in around them. This happens when their own personal reality no longer seems to run parallel to what they have come to experience as objective reality (when the round hole of expectation does not seem to fit with the square peg of personal experience). It is easy for a confused and disgruntled teen to begin postulating their own personal subjective reference points in an effort to make sense of the world around them.
Respond with caring and empathy. It is sometimes easy for adults to forget the hardships of fitting in as an adolescent. Be sure not to diminish their feelings as immature or childish. To your kids, their issues around feelings are real and painful. Remember, the severity of a hardship is always relative to the person experiencing it!
For more information and resources on today’s youth, visit our web site at www.straightroads.org.
Posted by GeorgeP at 07:57 PM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2005
Web sites dealing with Internet and Video Games
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Web sites on Media Literacy
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