“Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.”

It also causes me to wonder how may times others have looked at me that way.

Leadership is mostly about the middle because every diligent pursuit in life depends on the agony of the middle. The beginning of any noble pursuit holds out visions of glory and the end often hold out its revealed glory, but the middle of a struggle only holds out, “I guess there’s no sense turning back now….I’m halfway there…….I think…….I hope!”

Most of us can recall stories of people who set out to do something great. They were excited to share their vision and we were inspired by their passion. Perhaps the vision was as simple as getting a better grade next time, or maybe as grand as starting their own business.

Nobody could deny their initial enthusiasm. And they probably enjoyed being noticed for exhibiting an entrepreneurial spirit. But enthusiasm can give way to bewilderment when hardship arrives. This bewilderment can lead to discouragement, which may prompt some frustration. Left unchecked, frustration will lead to complaining. Complaining usually finds its new joy in self-pity. Self-pity always leads to an abandonment of the initial vision. This is usually where blaming rears its ugly head.

There may be nothing worse than a gifted leader that becomes a complaining fault finder. They often shrewdly join themselves to someone else’s vision (yours of course) and embark on their personal leadership renewal by mounting attacks from the middle. They can wreak inestimable damage in relatively short order by abusing their leadership gifts.

Many Starters….Few Finishers…..ONE Winner!

For every marathon runner who stands at the starting line of the Boston Marathon, there are probably 500 at home WISHING they could participate. Many may have even resolved to run the great race but were side-tracked along the way for whatever reason. They probably proudly announced to their friends (and gladly received the accolades) that they were going to run the marathon. And who wouldn’t want to receive the kind of praise that is associated with the pronouncement of such a lofty endeavor? There is glory in standing up and making a profession of that magnitude.
And besides, starting is easy. Starters are a penny a dozen. The starting line is very crowded.
These are the MANY!

But taking your goal to the next level requires more than a decision. There is a profound difference between professing your intentions publicly and acting on them publicly. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to make a plan and then get started with personal resolve. Sometimes this courage takes place in spite of criticism and hardship from others. But the courageous are up to it. The standard of ultimate courage has often been measured by the man who, at the last moment, throws himself on a grenade and trades his life for the life of another. The courageous are like lightning bolts that offer quick bursts of light on a very dark path. These people give us hope. Courage is hard and expensive. True courage is as tough as nails!
The crowd of competition gets very thin at this point.
These are the FEW!

At the very top of the ladder are those who persevere. I have always defined perseverance as courage on a marathon. Even courage, with all of its nobility, comes in short, lightning-like bursts, and has its limitations. A man may throw himself on a grenade in a momentary state of heightened emotional excitement; we call this an act of supreme courage. Courage can be impulsive and happen in an instant. There is usually no long, drawn-out middle to suffer through when exhibiting an act of courage. This is not to minimize the valor of the courageous person. He or she is a rare and precious jewel.

But how many are willing to lay down their whole life for the sake of the vision? Mother Teresa of Calcutta was once asked how she could persevere in her mission knowing that she couldn’t save everyone who was suffering on the mean streets of Calcutta. Her response is worth noting, “God has not called me to a mission of success, He has called me to a mission of mercy.”

Success may require a ton of courage, but perseverance is a higher call. Perseverance by its very nature is not impulsive. It requires steady discipline. Perseverance knows for certain what is required of it. There is no second guessing. With no promise of a visible finish line, Mother Teresa persevered by laying her entire life down for the mission. Her courage was no mere momentary flash of greatness. Hers was a complete surrender to the vision. She is a beautiful example of perseverance under the most extreme circumstances, dealing with extreme people in a most extreme environment. While I cannot count myself as a Mother Teresa, I can set new goals beginning today and pursue them with Mother Teresa-like perseverance. Her example of perseverance still shines like the noon-day sun in a dark and hostile world. Perseverance costs everything. It is polished like fine platinum. The crowd of competitors has vanished in the distance.
This is an example of the ONE!

At the epicenter of every great movement stands one person whose life is a testimony of persevering through the agony in the middle over the long haul. Our character and leadership ability is not measured in a flash, but over the long haul. It means being squeezed and hanging in there. It means being squeezed in our relationships as well as our goals. So it follows that attaining our goals is dependent on our being able to forge meaningful relationships with others, regardless of how difficult that may sometimes be. It means striving with others through tough times when everything inside of you says quit. Hang in there and good luck in your personal quest for persevering through the agony in the middle.

By George A Palombo
Executive Director
American Center for Character & Cultural Education
www.straightroads.org
info@straightroads.org

There are many types of fear and some of them can even be healthy. Healthy fear is a defense mechanism that can protect us in the presence of extreme danger. Sometimes healthy fear can be a great motivater. But unhealthy fear can cripple our minds and rob us of the precious jewels of success if it rules over us.

Minimize fear by acting and speaking out of courage and conviction!

Fear is the first negative obstacle we positively must overcome in our minds. If we can’t get past ourselves, then we can never reach others.

Fear paralyzes the mind. Action becomes slow motion in the presence of fear. This is not to imply that we should march recklessly in the presence of fear, but we should not be found completely motionless.

Marshall Ney was one of Napoleon’s key commanders. Once when he was about to enter the throes of battle, he looked down at his knees which were violently knocking together and said, “You may well be shaking, but if you knew where it was I am about to take you, you would be shaking even more ferociously.” Napoleon once said of Ney, “I have two hundred million in my coffers and would give them all for Ney.”

Courage is the beginning of action. When fear sets in, the will must take over. Henry Ford once said that, “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” Most people know what to do but often allow fear of the unknown to slow down their progress. Do not be afraid to step out and make a mistake. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES! But mistakes can be AWESOME in their power.

Mistakes reveal at least two certainties. (1) You don’t know EVERYTHING. Legendary basketball coach John Wooden reminds us that “It’s what you learn after you know everything that counts.” (2) You NEED others. People are always more willing to support what they have helped to create.

Mistakes also present at least two opportunities: (1) The opportunity to learn from your mistakes and (2) the opportunity to teach others from your mistakes. Mistakes do not need to be failure. Mistakes can stretch the boundaries of your courage. Failure and fear are quitters. Courage and perseverance are winners. Press hard into the lives of those around you. Encourage others by the words of your mouth. Your courage will be made visible in your convictions.

George A Palombo
Executive Director

I have struggled with posting a blog of such a sensitive nature so close to the actual event. My wish is to offer some insight and maybe even a small ray of hope to those searching for answers to this and similar suffering. I do not even pretend to understand what the family of this beautiful young girl is going through. My heart aches for their loss, and I have spent hours praying for them and the community that has been forced to endure her passing.

I was once involved in a head-on collision with a Mack truck in which the driver of the truck was instantly killed. I was left trapped in my vehicle with multiple traumas while emergency teams worked to extricate me from my vehicle. My immediate response was shock. But the one question that haunted me later was, "Why was I spared?" A whirlwind of emotions swept over my being as I replayed that accident in my head over and over again. I knew what had happened, but my psyche couldn't seem to get its arms around the circumstances. Mack trucks that slam head-on into passenger vehicles ALWAYS leave the driver of the passenger vehicle dead. Why am I still here?

I suspect that the three surviving teens will struggle with these and other painful questions in the coming days, months, or perhaps even years.

Tragedy Causes Hyper Confusion.
The heightened state of confusion caused by tragedy rocks our coping mechanisms and forces us to face pain that we cannot comprehend at the time...... and may never fully understand. The teens that have been left behind to grieve the loss of their friend will NEVER be the same. They have been set upon an anvil and will be pounded out in the weeks and months to come by very painful realities. These circumstances will have a dramatic affect on their character and personal worldview. These hardships will also profoundly influence their ability to understand the gravity of human suffering.

These teens are going to need some people to come alongside them. They are going to experience some very dark days. We are a society that is accustomed to getting immediate answers to our problems and hardships. Information is always one Google search away. Knowledge is usually only one good book away. But understanding? Who can fathom it? Biblical scholars, philosophers and theologians have written volumes on the human experience of suffering and may help us to gain partial insight. But a thousand years of reflection will NEVER help us to completely make sense of the loss of this beautiful young life.

Love Opens up the Door to Suffering.
Our English word passion derives from the Latin, passus, which means, "suffered". When we truly love others, we subject ourselves to the possibility of being hurt or rejected by them. The most painful thought associated with love is the ever present possibilty of losing them to sudden tragedy. I have begun praying that someone will have the patience to invest in these young people over the long haul.....to come alongside them and suffer WITH them.
To love them sacrificially.

Suffering also opens us up for the possibility of personal grow. But like a tender seedling opening itself up in the earliest stages, we need protection from the harsh elements of the world while new grief is raw and exposed. Suffering jars our ability to understand. Young people have an especially difficult time trying to make sense of unexpected tragedy, not because they are stupid, but because they are young and inexperienced. Tragedy strikes them like a tornado on a cloudless day. Their normal mindset is care-free invincibility.

Tragedy can shrink our personal world into a miniscule dust particle. Suffering forces us to view the world from the inside out. Growth from tragic grief is not easy growth. But when the growth is mature it is like that of a tall and straight oak tree. The roots are firmly established. Strong winds and storms cause little damage to such a mighty structure. When properly nurtured, those who have suffered much have MUCH to offer. Their wisdom and insight are true treasures to those in need of encouragement and guidance.

C. S. Lewis once stated that God whispers to us in our triumphs and successes, but his voice thunders in our agonies. God's megaphone to the world is still suffering. While this philosophy offers little consolation to the family enduring the grief, it may offer some insight to those of us on the outside that are being called to encourage and serve those who are hurting.

Please pay attention to the young people in your life that suffer. Their number is legion. Grow with them. Encourage them. Love them. Suffer with them passionately. And please pray for the families of those that suffer in your life.

Whew…not only exhaustive, but exhausting!

First, you will probably need to thicken your skin by about six inches. Leadership can sometimes exhaust your patience more than any college definition. Young leaders may often push your patience button even harder. Since they know they are leaders, they may sometimes try to usurp your authority. But that’s OK! Exercise patience with them. It can be a learning experience for both of you. Allow their youthful excitement to inspire and reignite some of your vision for leadership. Your patience can help to produce an environment that both encourages them to exercise their passion while minimizing frustration for everyone.

As a responsible leader, it is partly your job to help facilitate the leadership gifts in young people. Part of that facilitation process may sometimes involve teaching them to restrain their young egos. Their desire to get results can easily overwhelm their ability to understand the need of learning the process of getting results. This is where you have the edge. They may possess knowledge through their gifts; but you possess understanding through experience.

Don’t misunderstand me, results are good and desirable, but learning the process of attaining results is more valuable over the long haul. In other words, help young leaders to avoid the pitfalls of trying to produce immediate results with reckless abandon. It is much easier to slow them down now and teach them the value of wisdom over knowledge. Wisdom is not simply defined as experience, but as guided experience. They will need your guidance while they develop into patient and steady leaders. This wisdom will also help them to stay on track and not lead others astray.

Taking this time with them is the rough equivalent of teaching a hungry man to fish instead of simply feeding him on a continuous basis. It will also help them to develop their people skills more efficiently. It can sometimes be a rather delicate and lengthy process depending on the individual, but the payoff will be returned in aces.

Secondly, you may need a tall glass of humility.

Many leaders make the mistake of thinking they have to be all things-to all people-at all times-in all places. But trying become all things to everyone usually ends up making a leader useful to no one…..especially to themselves. So be yourself because you DO NOT have to be all things to be an effective leader. You may have to humble yourself once in a while but that does not mean that you should allow others to step on you like a doormat. It means showing meekness.

Meekness can be defined as strength under control. An illustration may be that of a heavyweight championship boxer. He feels no need to prove his boxing prowess to every knuckle-buster on the street corner and he is confident that he is not required to do so. He is secure in his physical and mental ability. His restraint is revealed in that he has done what it takes to retain the championship belt so he has nothing to prove to a playground challenger.

As a leader, you may sometimes have to suck it up. It may sometimes require giving others the credit that you probably deserve. But you don’t care because you are becoming a great leader. Since you are becoming a great leader, you have no sense of urgency to let everyone know that you are in charge all the time. You are not threatened by others. It doesn’t matter to you that other people are moving ahead because your leadership has been the unseen rudder. Your subtle leadership ability has been quietly moving masses of people and others are becoming great as a result. The growth and maturity of others has become more important to you than personal accolades. That’s what authentic leadership is all about. You are evolving into an authentic leader and others are becoming keenly aware of it.

You are gently guiding others towards their full potential.

Great leaders are humble servants who choose to lead by example. The trickle down effect of positive leadership cannot be overstated. ‘Lead by example’ is not simply a fashionable saying; it is a time established anchor of leadership theory.
What we do as leaders should flow naturally out of who we are.

Hang in there and enjoy the ride. And be sure to share your wisdom and encourage the rest of us along the way. The seeds of encouragement you plant today will reap a bountiful harvest in those you serve. Good luck!

By George A Palombo
Executive Director,
American Center for Character/Cultural Education

My experiences in law enforcement have not led me to make any white collar arrests for shifty accounting practices at any big family conglomerates. Those high profile investigations are generally handled by specialized agents who have far more investigative prowess than I am equipped with. But this week I had the unenviable task of confiscating a straight-razor, some suspected cocaine, and a note containing the written intention of extreme violence from a twelve year old girl at a local school today.

This is certainly not the first time that I had occasion to witness this type of criminal behavior...... even in school. With twenty one years of law enforcement experience, and fourteen of those years in public schools, I have seen more than my share of criminal activity. But when a girl bounces happily out of the classroom after noticing that her "stash" and "weapon" are missing, it causes me to really search for answers to some gnawing questions about this generation of young people.

What are we supposed to do with these kids? Where do they belong after this kind of behavior? We have all seen the devastation wrought by young people in the news. It would be easy to dismiss this kind of behavior as "rare", but that would be a lie. And besides, kids don't just wake up one day and decide to bring a straight razor and cocaine to school. Under close investigation, some chain of events always leads up to these incidents. The question becomes, "Are we paying close enough attention?"

First, more and more kids are left to face the daunting challenges of adolescence either alone or in some kind of emotional or social pain. Growing up is tough even in the context of the most supportive and loving home. (I have recently met the mother of the girl and she seems to be a caring and supportive parent.) But when a child is not afforded this luxury, the difficulty to make sense of the emotional confusion of adolescence is greatly multiplied. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I experience physical or emotional pain, I like to have my pain relieved. I hate pain! It hurts me and I look for relief! The average young person is painfully struggling to discover their own identity and to fit in. In today's media shaped culture this is no easy task for a kid who was not blessed with outstanding athletic ability, unblemished skin or endowed with academic brilliance. I have spent time with countless thousands of young people over the years and have come to at least one conclusion; They are not 'just kids' they are people. I believe adults often minimize teenage struggles because they measure teen struggles in comparison with adult struggles. Sometimes adults have to slow down and recognize that hardship is always relative to the person experiencing it. Drugs and alcohol serve as the perfect anesthesia when no one is around to help a struggling teen make sense of their world. Kids need our help. If we don't help them make sense of their world, they will force it to make sense all by themselves. Even if it means jamming square pegs into round holes.

Second, the future consequences of certain behaviors often don't occur to teens. Their media driven world displays to them that drug and alcohol abuse, cavalier sexual encounters and rebellion against authority hold little or no consequence in store for the actors who commit them. Kids are invincible in their own eyes. It should not surprise us that kids believe and embrace these ideas. It does not mean that kids are stupid, it simply means that they are kids with very little guided experience to discipline their own actions. Critical thinking and objective standards of right and wrong must be addressed with kids, and upheld for them. Young people are often blown about by the winds of personal preference regarding their moral behavior. Left unchecked, the average teen will see how far he or she can "push it". A young person on an emotional roller coaster is prone to get a bit dizzy and lose his or her emotional equilibrium. Parents and teachers must invest the time to help young people discern truth in a morally unstable environment. It is neither convenient nor easy, but the payoff far exceeds the labor.

Third, parents have to stop making excuses for their kids. I am fully aware that this can be a thorny issue. I have dropped the ball on several occasions with my kids over the years and therefore feel qualified to make certain statements through experience. Many parents are very busy advancing their own personal agenda of success. If that sounds harsh....sorry! I have six of my own kids and have gotten my share of calls from the principal for some illegitimate behavior at school. But not one of those incidents was met with indifference towards school administration. I know better than anyone how my kids can sometimes act and my first response is to listen carefully to the administrator and make every effort to work things out in the best interest for all parties involved. I refuse to make excuses for my kids' behavior even though they have been labeled "special needs" adopted. They may not be able to learn quite as efficiently as some other kids in the classroom, but that affords them no excuse whatsoever to compromise the learning environment for others through willful misbehavior. Open and honest dialogue is the only way to make the triangle between parents, educators and school administration work for everyone. Parents have to work hard to teach their kids to maintain a respectful posture in school even when those kids are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. This is NOT to imply that you, or your kids will get it right all the time because everyone fails at times. But we should be working diligently to help our kids understand that they are ultimately responsible for their own behavior and we are responsible for helping them to learn that.

Fourth, parents and educators must encourage young people with all their might. Kids have enough battles outside the home and therefore need a place of safety and verbal support within the home. Help your kids to understand that their opinion matters by giving them your full and undivided attention when they need to discuss an issue, or to just simply vent. Be committed. It is hard work being a parent. Love is a tough business that requires a lot of personal sacrifice. For example, drawing reasonable, but concise boundaries for your kids and consistently holding them accountable in a firm and fair manner requires balancing personal time, family time and work time. Time is a valuable asset and giving it away can be very painful. But you can choose to concede some of it on behalf of your kids so that it works for you now instead of against you later.

Lastly, Ask questions...Lots of questions! If you want to know what is going on in their world, ASK! Kids are the best experts on the world that they live in. Use it to your advantage and remember; YOU are the expert on what is best for them! Besides, it is less important to appear cool in their eyes than to appear honest in their eyes. They do not need to think that you have all the answers. They know you don’t have all the answers. Nobody has all the answers. If you don’t know, say “I don’t know, but together we can find out.” Good luck!

George can be reached at g.palombo@comcast.net

This reader-friendly book is filled with penetrating and thought provoking questions that parents can discuss with their children in a non-threatening, but straight-forward manner. The book has a strong focus on critical thinking and issues a challenge for parents to invest the necessary time for discerning truth in today's culture. The book discusses the influence of today's music, movies, headline news stories and other forms of media, and how they shape the worldviews and influence the decision-making of today's youth. It is also packed with inspirational and motivational quotes, as well as encouragement, to help parents as they strive to positively impact the decision-making and character development of their children.

We will be passing on more information about this practical parent resource in the next 30 days.

It doesn’t require being much of a music aficionado to remember the song “Feelings” by Morris Albert written back in 1975. As a boy, this song was the catalyst that drove me to contemplate my feelings for Kelly, the girl of my boyhood affections, every time the song came on the radio or was replayed in my daydreams.

Unfortunately, in many instances today, feelings have been hailed as the cultural standard by which to judge right and wrong behavior. “If it feels good…..do it”, has become a prevailing mentality and a time honored theme of the culture we live in.

Our feelings are vitally important to us to be sure. It is our feelings that inform us when something is wrong or when we experience pain. It is also our feelings that express happiness, loneliness, excitement, and a whole litany of other life experiences. For kids, one of the problems associated with their feelings is that they are always subject to change and therefore, cannot be completely trusted. They may feel like they are in love with the person next to them one day, and then feel like sending them off into space the next day! Our feelings may be a good indicator that something is good or bad for us; but are a very poor standard when used alone to determine whether something is actually good or bad for us. Our feelings have the ability to work well for us when making decisions, but can become very hazardous to employ as our boss.

Perhaps one of the most difficult and painful struggles facing adolescents is their ability, or inability, to successfully handle their everyday feelings. Acting on feelings alone can sometimes produce devastating results. Especially in the life of an adolescent who may be experiencing confusion because of mixed feelings that he/she is unable to sort out. Some elements of their market-driven culture may partially influence them to think that their feelings are the only navigational and decision-making tool available to them.

It is paramount that young people understand both the importance and legitimacy of their feelings, as well as the potential dangers of acting on them without careful consideration.

As parents, we would encourage you to help them to Recognize that ALL of their feelings are legitimate. The painful feelings associated with a break-up, a bad grade or peer pressure is real. The excited feelings experienced in close proximity of a boy/girl relationship can lead to sexual promiscuity, regret, disease and even pregnancy. Help them to recognize that these feelings in and of themselves are not necessarily wrong, but can be wrong-headed if not carefully considered.

Help them to Understand that decision-making based on feelings alone is unwise. It is also best to consider the truthfulness, logical consistency and long-term workability of the decisions they make in their own lives because their decisions affect the lives of others as well as themselves.

Teach them to Listen carefully to voices of wisdom. This is a toughie because teaching them to discern a true voice of wisdom may be just as difficult as following the wisdom itself. As a parent, you will often be the first voice of wisdom they seek. However, it can also be helpful for you to steer a struggling kid in the direction of other people they respect, and who YOU trust and share the same worldview with. It is wise to encourage them to elicit advice from other experienced adults who have a vested interest in their lives when making decisions, especially decisions with potentially long-term consequences.

Help them to critically Evaluate their feelings. Young people may need help in projecting out future consequences if they choose to act solely on their feelings. Many times their confusion can lead to viewing their world as being sideways, upside-down or crashing in around them. This happens when their own personal reality no longer seems to run parallel to what they have come to experience as objective reality (when the round hole of expectation does not seem to fit with the square peg of personal experience). It is easy for a confused and disgruntled teen to begin postulating their own personal subjective reference points in an effort to make sense of the world around them.

Respond with caring and empathy. It is sometimes easy for adults to forget the hardships of fitting in as an adolescent. Be sure not to diminish their feelings as immature or childish. To your kids, their issues around feelings are real and painful. Remember, the severity of a hardship is always relative to the person experiencing it!

For more information and resources on today’s youth, visit our web site at www.straightroads.org.

Music and video are powerful means of message communication. They can excite our imagination; stir our emotions; help us to learn more efficiently and even help us when we have trouble sleeping. Music and video also provide an outlet for producers and writers to relate to their audience in a meaningful way about life.

• 79% listen while doing chores
• 73% listen while on the computer
• 72% listen while doing homework
• 33% listen while eating meals at home
• 18% listen while in class

The Debate

If you have ever found yourself debating with kids about their music and media interests, you are certainly not alone. Unfortunately, these issues do not resolve as quickly and easily as those in a night time drama or a half-hour sitcom. In today’s hi-tech world of cell phones, mp3 players and ipods, teachers, as well as parents, have to deal with teen music choices. These issues require perseverance and diligence as you pursue relationships with students.

Adult:

“Young man, turn that blasted music down right this instant…….. For crying out loud…….How can you attempt to do schoolwork and listen to that polluted garbage? How can you even hear yourself think? What is that nonsense you are listening to anyway? It sounds like a bunch of noise…You’re gonna’ go deaf!”

The hoped for response is not usually forthcoming!

Teen:
“You are SO RIGHT! I will turn the music down immediately. Thank you so much for your adult concern!!! All of the loud and disturbing music must have completely damaged the sensibilities in my little teenage mind. What ever was I thinking? I am so lucky to have you to look out for my best interests until I am mature enough to completely understand your adult wisdom. Thank you for saving me until that happens! Now that you so gently and lovingly pointed out the error of my ways, we can all just get along!

And they all lived happily ever after…………………….Didn’t they?

Conflicting Messages

“Give me the makings of the songs of a nation and I care not who makes its laws,” said eighteenth-century Scottish political thinker, Andrew Fletcher. These words may very well be truer today as today’s songs and lyrics seem to influence the convictions and moods of today’s kids and adults like never before. Kids have always been influenced by the music that reaches their ears. Educators have long recognized the value of music in the arena of learning. MTV’s marketers and producers also understood the value of this relationship and capitalized on this fundamental principle when it revealed one of its early slogans, “Watch and learn.” And kids watched….and kids learned!
Suddenly, kids were no longer just teenagers. They had an identity of their own. The MTV generation was born. It was a watershed moment in pop-culture history. For the first time, an entire generation could be defined not so much by their common beliefs and attitudes, but by the type of TV they watched.
Speaking on the power and influence of music almost twenty-five hundred years ago, Plato stated that, “Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.”
Powerful words concerning a powerful medium!

More than “just words”

If you have expressed concerns about what you believe to be a negative message from kids' favorite music and musicians, then you have probably heard them fire back, “I don’t know why you have to get so worked up about the music I listen to. It’s just entertainment and the musicians don’t mean anything by it…….it’s JUST WORDS!” But when that sweet bundle of sunshine finds a positive message in one verse, from one song, they come heralding a proclamation, “Listen to this ONE song. They really do care about society and encourage right behavior. They said “DRUGS ARE REALLY BAD!”

Gently remind them that while you may seem like an old geezer in their eyes, your baloney detector is still in functional condition.

Kids can’t have it both ways. Words are still the primary way that humans communicate messages to one another. Music and video can’t be “just entertainment” or “just words” when the message and images are negative, and then become magically “inspiring and virtuous” when the messages are positive. Music and video have the power to convey BOTH positive and negative messages because words and images are powerful mediums!

These confrontations do not have to be fraught with peril. These situations can provide parents and teachers with incredible opportunities to connect with students regarding things that are important TO KIDS. It is also a perfect occasion to challenge them to think critically about not only their music and media choices, but also about life choices that may affect their reputation and character.

Below are a few practical and probing questions that may help you to engage your children and students about their musical interests. These questions may also allow you the opportunity to learn more about the culture that interests them and to show them that you care enough to invest your time relating to them on a more personal level. GOOD LUCK!

• What are the goals of a particular song or video? Does it affect your emotions? Imagination? How?
• Do you feel emotionally connected with your favorite song or musician? In what way?
• Have you ever wondered what it would be like to meet your favorite musician?
• Do you think he/she would be just as excited to meet you? Why or why not?
• Is it possible that you might be disappointed that they just don’t feel the same way about you as you do about them?
• Is there a rebellion against authority in your favorite music? Is it legitimate or centered on your desire to create controversy?
• What emphasis is placed on money as THE mark of success in today’s music and videos?
• Does the way that you dress have anything at all to say about the music you listen to?
• Does the lifestyle portrayed in your favorite music and videos seem to correspond with reality?
• What does your favorite music have to say about dating, drugs, violence, sex, and relationships?
• How does your favorite music view authority figures?
• Have you ever been to a concert? Have you noticed the power that the lead singer has over the audience? Why do you think that is so?
• When someone attacks your music, does it feel like they attacked you personally?

George can be reached for student, parent and educator programs at:
American Center for Character and Cultural Education
info@straightroads.org
www.straightroads.org
1600 Laurel Rd
Ambridge PA 15003

The first step is to keep your eyes and ears open. Listen, don't leave the premises, when your kids' music cranks up!

Second, find out more about the musicians by exploring the web sites we've recommended at http://www.straightroads.org/culturaldivide/resources/music.html .

Third, keep talking (HINT: starting out a conversation with "How can you stand that awful noise?" isn't the best way to open up the communication channels ;-).

Finally, keep tuning in here to learn strategies for keeping the communication channels open and finding out what the "next new thing" is.

Ironically, one of the typical marks of adolescence is a desire to be understood by someone who is able to relate to their lives……Hollywood and MTV are always ready with a listening ear. Young people become easily enamored by pop music artists and actors who seem to share in their struggle for identity. Right or wrong, today’s often struggling, vulnerable teen identifies with the language of today’s media, music and pop culture, which often meets them right in the midst of their struggles for identity.

Educators certainly understand the relationship between repetition and learning. According to the latest Kaiser Family Foundation report, the average teen spends more than six hours a day exposed to this super saturation of media material. That is a heavy dose of repetitive exposure to messages from various media producers that propagate the idea, “You should be miserable and completely dissatisfied with your present lifestyle”.

Noted author and essayist GK Chesterton once quipped, “An open mind like an open mouth does have a purpose, and that is to close down upon something solid; otherwise, it could become like a city sewer that rejects absolutely nothing.” Students need someone who can help them sort out the torrent of media information with a critical mindset. As teachers and parents, we can help them if we understand them. The acronym R.U.L.E.R. may help you to “cross the cultural divide” and meet your students right where they are.

RECOGNIZE- Popular youth culture (i.e. music, advertising, movies, TV) has a profound influence on the way students think, act, spend their resources and relate to their peers, teachers, families and environment.

Things certainly aren’t the way they used to be; but it is up to adults to make cultural adjustments and then to hold students accountable.

UNDERSTAND- There is a natural, generational “cultural divide” and resulting language barrier that exists between adult and adolescent culture.

You will probably never comprehensively understand their culture; but you can understand and identify with their desire for individuality.

LISTEN- While it is difficult for adults to communicate within the context of popular youth culture, it is often impossible for an adolescent to communicate in adult culture because of a modicum of life experience.

We hear students with our ears; but it requires an open mind to listen to students and their struggles.

EVALUATE- In order for us parents and educators to maximize our relationships with young people and effectively communicate across that “cultural divide”, we must learn to understand and interpret the language and environment of today’s popular youth culture and meet young people “right where they are”.

Consider spending some time watching the shows and listening to the music of your students in order to let them know that you are willing to take the time to understand them and the culture that they live in

RESPOND- True Character is forged out on the anvil of relationships that are based on truth, trust, and a personal willingness to seek the highest and best interest of others.

Our response to this generation is crucial. It is wise for us as educators to maintain a personal inventory of our initial vision as educators, and what our goals are for ourselves and the students we have the privilege to serve, both inside and outside the classroom.

George can be reached for student, parent and educator programs at:
American Center for Character and Cultural Education
info@straightroads.org
www.straightroads.org
1600 Laurel Rd
Ambridge PA 15003

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